mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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