i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
