Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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