Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
