how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
