Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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