see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
