i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize