The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize