Cold hands, warm shart.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We got so high we made milksteak
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This is my gift to your gina
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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