We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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