Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
