I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
