Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
