You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
