and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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