broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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