I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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