yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
