Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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