Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
