The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
