i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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