i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
