just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Send help, water and tortillas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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