Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
