I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
