you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
