A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
