You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
