One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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