I wish i was in the wii world.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
