absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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