ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
