I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
