none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
