bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
