Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
