So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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