i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
