You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
