If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
