Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
