I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
