so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize