I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
