just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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