Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize