Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
