I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
