It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
