'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
