thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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