I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize