i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
