I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
