As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
