I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
