we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
