a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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