guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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