either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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