I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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