I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
