4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
they need to just BURY HIM!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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