Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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