Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
