I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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