it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
