We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
