If i come over, it means nothing
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
