One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
