you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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