Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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