so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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