i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
