I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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