Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize