If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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