Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
