you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
