erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
