dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
