tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Text me some of your sweat
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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