from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
