If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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