remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
