Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
