i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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