I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
