I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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